Most of us got best friends, friendship starting from the childhood and some of those friends stick around us for the whole life, some of them are just as long as we need them, or some as long as we call them on the phone, or as long as we visit them.
I use to think that those are my closest friends, call them every other day, then for some reason I have to move out of that town and bang... so called friends never call to check how the things works with me there, because they don't have minutes to call you, or, they consider enough what they get from me at the time when I call them. Interesting the fact that that I can count on my one hand fingers how many friends I have left from my childhood, and how many keep the friendship balanced (both parties are calling with the same frequency in a, let's say, one year period), the rest of them.... if I call, it's all good, if not... probably they say "I can see him on facebook", oooh, really? FACEBOOK, almost forgot about the almighty facebook, thanks to facebook, my "friends" don't have to spend $0.025-0.04/minute to call me long distance to the United States (that's the usual cost per minute from Europe to the United States), or to use their airtime minutes to call and check up. Of course, we can blame the time-zone difference, or we can blame each other, but after all, let's draw a line and count how many time did I call he/she, how many time did she/he call me, then let's add a third row, how many times we think about that friend.
So, I am wondering if the facebook actually did really got us closer? in a way about seeing pictures about our friends YES (or at least ones who post pictures of themselves online), but in a way of communication between each other... talking each other, getting closer ... for sure NO. It's true, I found some old classmates on FB, friends who I use to share things in my childhood.
I wrote this not to excuse myself on my relations towards my friends, I am writing this mostly to blame myself, maybe for being too worried in the past with some friends and then suddenly I drop my worries and "forgot" about them.
Some of them don't even realize that I didn't call for such a long time, some... realize that I don't call so often and probably they ask themselves why? what happened? What did I do wrong?. Well, you didn't do anything wrong... I just became one of you! :-)
Monday, July 25, 2011
dream Déjà vu?
Sometimes I feel that I have the same dream for 2-3 nights in a row, or in some cases that I have dreamed about the same or with the same characters before. For 3 nights in a row, I had a dream about being in Serbia somewhere. I was in Belgrade with some co-workers trying to get somewhere close to Sava river and where the foreign embassies are located in Belgrade, claiming that we must stick around that area due to our own safety. However, the fact the 3 night in a row I am dreaming about the same place make me to worry about who knows what "spark" might get out of there, or, it could be that I really admired that city so much by the time when I was there in 2008?
What should I believe? I remember that I use to read in bible about dreams, God might talk with us thru dreams, or the dreams are just a result of our worries. It might be one or another or both, we just need to de-scramble the whole dream meaning... Maybe many times we dream about the same thing, but we just don't remember. Most of the dreams are forgotten, unfortunately most of our life dreams are forgotten too.
What should I believe? I remember that I use to read in bible about dreams, God might talk with us thru dreams, or the dreams are just a result of our worries. It might be one or another or both, we just need to de-scramble the whole dream meaning... Maybe many times we dream about the same thing, but we just don't remember. Most of the dreams are forgotten, unfortunately most of our life dreams are forgotten too.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
time and space
For almost 9 years I'm here in the US, since then, I've been few times out of the country and every travel brings me a lot of energy and enthusiasm on the way back. So? Let's go out of the country...
But just realized... I have no passport, strange feeling, but this makes me feel that I have no freedom, or that I'm condemned. I had made some plans to travel thorough Europe this spring/summer, but actually without a passport would be impossible, or it is possible, but ONE WAY only :-), might not be a bad idea, but is this what I really want? Living in Europe will add more joy? will take less or more sacrifices? I have 2 countries where I can live and work without learning a new language... otherwise I have to start from the beginning.
Ok, so let's skip this option of moving in Europe :-) what else it is? hmm, it is the living place. YES, this is the problem. I hate this place, I never liked Orange County as a place to live or at least where I lived so far, I feel here like I'm in a prison, car prison... you need a car for EVERYTHING. And if I look back, when I lived in Santa Monica, it was the most pleasant place to live, which I could call it home, even if that place was rented as this one and just a bit more expensive (which actually turns out at the end cheaper, when you take out the utilities and gas used for the car). Wondering how many of us are satisfied with their neighborhood, with their area, with their commute?
Options? not many, either move back and travel 50 miles each way for work, or find another job there, but I don't want to do this right now because the only thing what I love in OC is the job, nothing else!
However, I drive at least once a week to SM, so... moving there will cost me 4 more trips and being a little bit more happy with the living space.
Apartment/house/neighbor reflect some of ours behaviors I guess when we're out in the crowd. I might be wrong, but in my case, there might be some truth.
I guess time will answer this and we will see after! For now I have the following conclusion:
Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
But just realized... I have no passport, strange feeling, but this makes me feel that I have no freedom, or that I'm condemned. I had made some plans to travel thorough Europe this spring/summer, but actually without a passport would be impossible, or it is possible, but ONE WAY only :-), might not be a bad idea, but is this what I really want? Living in Europe will add more joy? will take less or more sacrifices? I have 2 countries where I can live and work without learning a new language... otherwise I have to start from the beginning.
Ok, so let's skip this option of moving in Europe :-) what else it is? hmm, it is the living place. YES, this is the problem. I hate this place, I never liked Orange County as a place to live or at least where I lived so far, I feel here like I'm in a prison, car prison... you need a car for EVERYTHING. And if I look back, when I lived in Santa Monica, it was the most pleasant place to live, which I could call it home, even if that place was rented as this one and just a bit more expensive (which actually turns out at the end cheaper, when you take out the utilities and gas used for the car). Wondering how many of us are satisfied with their neighborhood, with their area, with their commute?
Options? not many, either move back and travel 50 miles each way for work, or find another job there, but I don't want to do this right now because the only thing what I love in OC is the job, nothing else!
However, I drive at least once a week to SM, so... moving there will cost me 4 more trips and being a little bit more happy with the living space.
Apartment/house/neighbor reflect some of ours behaviors I guess when we're out in the crowd. I might be wrong, but in my case, there might be some truth.
I guess time will answer this and we will see after! For now I have the following conclusion:
Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Friday, February 11, 2011
should we all have the same pattern?
Most of my old friends and I'm talking here about friends from Romania, or friends who spent most of their life in Romania, start questioning me "why are you doing that?", "why don't you do this on a different way?", "why did you move there?" and the list of WHY questions can go on and on... I had this idea with a blog for a while and I'm doing this mostly for myself, as a way to look back and see what was in my mind in that moment and how I judged everything in that particular moment. It might help also and see where I was worng. I'm not going to put any name here, at least not on this topic, but I'm sure will help me to see how WRONG or RIGHT I was in this particular moment, maybe will prevent me of making the same mistakes in the future. Who knows?
It was a custom thing last century 'till the late 90's, that all of us has to follow our parents pattern. But is that the right way? Is that the path which bring at the end happiness? Did our ancestors follow the right path? My opinion is NO. It's true, we got way more choices than our parents, for sure our children's will have few extra choices compared with what we had or have now. Our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors or even the whole community had a single pattern, of course with few exceptions.
Getting back why I wrote NO: if our parents had the right pattern, I'm sure we/they would have followed exactly the same pattern as our grandparents had, of course the chain can go back thousands of years. For some, happiness is just a little house, a wife and few kids. For others, happiness means just a wife, no house, no kids, no responsibilities. And there are thousands of different answers so... I'm going to stop looking for this answer. We are all happy in our way, sometimes I realize that 4 years ago I was happier than in that moment, but 5 years ago I had more sadness than today. It depends also how we see the future... but every day it's the first day of the rest our life, I guess we have to enjoy and focus on what we do, on every moment, no matter if we are at work, at school, driving, on the train, at home... being sad today it's not a guarantee that tomorrow I will be happier, but being happy today guarantee that tomorrow I have a nice memory from yesterday.
We have to make ourselves happy first, but our happiness doesn't have to relay on anyone's sadness. I didn't thought about this before, but giving my pattern to someone because that pattern works for me, doesn't mean that pattern will make someone else happy or will work on his/her case. I loved to travel since I was 6 or 7, and proudly say that I was blessed enough to see a good part of this world and I know, there's always place for more :-), but for some, travel it's just a nightmare. If X loves to be a mechanic, X doesn't come to me and say: you should be a mechanic too! of course, the list can go ... and about me being blessed to work, live and spend time with people who were more than I deserved or deserve now it's not a grant that I should always receive. We/I should be a blessing at least the same way for them, for the ones who are around us. I'm sure that we will always receive back our kindness :-).
WHY should go away from my vocabulary in many contexts, because my way is not the right way! It might be the right way for me and for maybe one more person of the other 6.5 billions.
Enough for today!
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney
It was a custom thing last century 'till the late 90's, that all of us has to follow our parents pattern. But is that the right way? Is that the path which bring at the end happiness? Did our ancestors follow the right path? My opinion is NO. It's true, we got way more choices than our parents, for sure our children's will have few extra choices compared with what we had or have now. Our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors or even the whole community had a single pattern, of course with few exceptions.
Getting back why I wrote NO: if our parents had the right pattern, I'm sure we/they would have followed exactly the same pattern as our grandparents had, of course the chain can go back thousands of years. For some, happiness is just a little house, a wife and few kids. For others, happiness means just a wife, no house, no kids, no responsibilities. And there are thousands of different answers so... I'm going to stop looking for this answer. We are all happy in our way, sometimes I realize that 4 years ago I was happier than in that moment, but 5 years ago I had more sadness than today. It depends also how we see the future... but every day it's the first day of the rest our life, I guess we have to enjoy and focus on what we do, on every moment, no matter if we are at work, at school, driving, on the train, at home... being sad today it's not a guarantee that tomorrow I will be happier, but being happy today guarantee that tomorrow I have a nice memory from yesterday.
We have to make ourselves happy first, but our happiness doesn't have to relay on anyone's sadness. I didn't thought about this before, but giving my pattern to someone because that pattern works for me, doesn't mean that pattern will make someone else happy or will work on his/her case. I loved to travel since I was 6 or 7, and proudly say that I was blessed enough to see a good part of this world and I know, there's always place for more :-), but for some, travel it's just a nightmare. If X loves to be a mechanic, X doesn't come to me and say: you should be a mechanic too! of course, the list can go ... and about me being blessed to work, live and spend time with people who were more than I deserved or deserve now it's not a grant that I should always receive. We/I should be a blessing at least the same way for them, for the ones who are around us. I'm sure that we will always receive back our kindness :-).
WHY should go away from my vocabulary in many contexts, because my way is not the right way! It might be the right way for me and for maybe one more person of the other 6.5 billions.
Enough for today!
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney
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